Wow it's been a very crazy year for love to me. First i lost my dog "Killa" and a few months later, i lost my girlfriend who was with me since over 5 years already. Enough to explain you how much pain I am having at this very special period of the year.
But anyway I promised not to complain anymore about all that so let's talk about what is Valentine’s day and let me tell you what is special for me on this day of the Agenda.
I was lucky enough to be grown up by my 2 parents and they teached me and my brother about love and respect many times over the years, but what is exactly Valentine's Day? and what is love?
"Valentine's Day" is also called "Saint Valentine's Day" or the Feast of Saint Valentine. It's generally celebrated annually on February 14 but some people tend to say it's a daily thing. Originating as a Western Christian feast day honoring one or two early saints named Valentinus. Valentine's Day have been since then recognized as a significant cultural, religious, and commercial celebration of romance and romantic love in many regions around the globe, although it is still not a public holiday in any country.
Martyrdom stories associated with various Valentines connected to February 14 are presented in martyrologies, including a written account of Saint Valentine of Rome imprisonment for performing weddings for soldiers, who were forbidden to marry and for ministering to Christians persecuted under the Roman Empire. According to legend, during his imprisonment Saint Valentine restored sight to the blind daughter of his judge, and before his execution he wrote her a letter signed "Your Valentine" as a farewell. Isn't that sweet?
The day first became associated with romantic love within the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the 14th century, when the tradition of courtly love flourished. In 18th-century England, it evolved into an occasion in which lovers expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as "valentine's cards"). Valentine's Day symbols that are used today include the heart-shaped outline, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten valentines have given way to mass-produced greeting cards. In Europe, more specially in Germany, Saint Valentine's Keys are given to lovers "as a romantic symbol and an invitation to unlock the giver’s heart", as well as to children, in order to ward off epilepsy (called Saint Valentine's Malady).
Saint Valentine's Day is an official feast day in the Anglican Communion and the Lutheran Church. Many parts of the Eastern Orthodox Church also celebrate Saint Valentine's Day, albeit on July 6 and July 30, the former date in honor of the Roman presbyter Saint Valentine, and the latter date in honor of Hieromartyr Valentine, the Bishop of Interamna (modern Terni).
The earliest description of February 14 as an annual celebration of love appears in the Charter of the Court of Love. The charter, allegedly issued by Charles VI of France at Mantes-la-Jolie in 1400, describes lavish festivities to be attended by several members of the royal court, including a feast, amorous song and poetry competitions, jousting and dancing. Amid these festivities, the attending ladies would hear and rule on disputes from lovers.
So, what is love exactly?
Love encompasses a variety of strong and positive emotional and mental states, ranging from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection and to the simplest pleasure. An example of this range of meanings is that the love of a mother differs from the love of a spouse, which differs from the love of music. Most commonly, love refers to a deep and intense feeling of strong attraction and emotional attachment. Love can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection, as "the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another". It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans or to yourself.
Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts. Love has been postulated to be a function to keep human beings together against menaces and to facilitate the continuation of the human species.
Some philosophers even identified five forms of love: essentially, familial love, friendly love or platonic love , romantic love , guest love and divine love while some said that love is "to be delighted by the happiness of another.". Modern authors have distinguished further varieties of love: unrequited love, infatuated love, self-love, and courtly love. Asian cultures have also distinguished Ren, Kama, Bhakti, Mettā, Ishq, Chesed, and other variants or symbioses of these states. Love has additional religious or spiritual meaning. This diversity of uses and meanings combined with the complexity of the feelings involved makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, compared to other emotional states.
Abstractly discussed, love usually refers to an experience one person feels for another while psychology depicts love as a cognitive and social phenomenon. As far as we know today, the last form of love is sexual attraction and passion. Passionate love is shown in infatuation as well as romantic love. Non-love does not include any of these components. Liking only includes intimacy. Infatuated love only includes passion. Empty love only includes commitment. Romantic love includes both intimacy and passion. Companionate love includes intimacy and commitment. Fatuous love includes passion and commitment. Lastly, consummate love includes all three components.
love is not merely a feeling but is also actions, and that in fact, the "feeling" of love is superficial in comparison to one's commitment to love via a series of loving actions over time. In this sense, Fromm held that love is ultimately not a feeling at all, but rather is a commitment to, and adherence to, loving actions towards another, oneself, or many others, over a sustained duration. Fromm also described love as a conscious choice that in its early stages might originate as an involuntary feeling, but which then later no longer depends on those feelings, but rather depends only on conscious commitment.
As you can understand, we all have our daily routines: wake up, shower,/wash ourselves, breakfast, work, lunch, work, dinner, sleep, repeat. At work like in our own lives, we do pretty much the same thing every day and often, our sex lives become annoyingly routine like, one more item on our to-fucking-do list today.
We all have to remember, though: Sex is not an obligation. It’s a pleasure we want to share with someone tha is close enough to us for waking up what we are calling a "sexual desire" by both of the partners engaged into this act of love. That’s why it's such a fantastic and incredibly unique featured moments of our lives, and why it's always a very big joy to share it with one partner or even with multiple partners if it's what you are looking for.
In order to keep our sex lives as spontaneous and pleasure-filled as possible, I’m sharing with you here my best tips for getting your long-term relationship to another level of pleasuring.
1. Love to enjoy your body
It is not possible to be pleasured by your partner’s body if you don’t first know how to take pleasure with your own body. Yes, we all have body issues, heavy legs, back pain, hips pain, knee, foot, arms and so on, some people are not even having their full bodies anymore, there are here many various things we wish we could change, but it won't. Well let me tell you that those things should not affect our sexuality, which has nothing to do with the way we look but has much more to do with the way we feel.
Eating a healthy food can make you feel stronger and more energetic, feeding your minds with positive thoughts about your body makes you feel stronger and more confident, which is good for your mental health and your sexuality. Don’t lose your sense of self in physical or psychological insecurities. Instead, make it your goal to cultivate love within a harmonious, mutually beneficial relationship between your physical health and your wellness or your sexual health and your sexual wellness.
2. Don't get stucked in the bedroom
The reason why we call it “make-up” sex is because resolving conflict with compassion and empathy is good for creating an environment for ground to sky. There is nothing sexier than someone really paying attention. That's why you have to make it a priority to enhance your emotional and physical intimacy outside of the bedroom, be crative, be naughty, be kinky by listening to your partner's desire and fantasy, may be you will discover new sensations that you will be then able to enjoy again every time you want.
It is allowed to respond to a conflict, as long as you don’t overreact to it or overfeed it. By listening to your partner with an open mind and by offering a few solutions instead of generating new opposition, you could show your partner that your care very much about him/her to put your ego aside for finding solutions together. By doing it this way, you will deepen your trust and leave the door open for a much greater intimacy.
3. Welcome the compliments
You can become complacent with those you love, taking all their lovable features for acquired. What you can do instead is to celebrate their achievements, compliment their strengths, and point up their unique qualities, even their beautiful long legs, their little butt, their amazing natural boobs, or even their romantic face just to give you a few ideas. Remind yourself and your partner why both of you are together in the first place in this desire and fantasy exchange.
4. Provide only good sex and make it your new priority
Most of the couples will use their bed to "make love" with is very natural, but it doesn’t have to be a permanent routine or an escaping way. Stop immediately to reflect on your lack of libido and lack of motivation to express your desire to your partner. Put your focus and energy into creating the best environment for yourself. This will allow you and your partner or partners to "have fun with sex" and to "discover their new sexual intimacy again". You are allowed to fantasize as much as you want about what that could mean for you and your partner. You can, as an example, think for a playful way to get your partner on board with those new pleasuring ideas. Talk with him or with her, that's the only way to communicate about that.
5. Touching is feeling
Do you remember how it felt the first time your partner touched you neck with his lips before to take you in his/her arms? Can you imagine how it was for him/her whe he/she seached for taking you hand in his own hand?
There is nothing more powerfully stimulating than touching each other. Ignite that flame in your heart by giving your partner a sensual cuddling every day, or grab his butt and tell him how sexy you find it, to not have an orgasms is something that is allowed as well too. Instead of going straight to full sexual contact, try to spend more time exploring each other’s bodies and take your time for it, do it at your rythm without any pressure and without to jerk your cum off your partner. The point here is to allow yourself to build feelings and security between the cuddling session until the time when you encounter having an orgasm.
6. Do more trainings
Exercises and body training at the fitness hall aren’t just for men. Studies suggest that both men and women enjoy the benefits of sexual health. For this you can do some Kegels exercises (when you strengthen your pelvic floors). There’s some evidence to suggest that they can actually help in the treatment of several different types of sexual dysfunction. Ask your family doctor or fitness trainer for more informations about this exercises.
7. Share fantasies and provide details
Plan a weekly date together outside of the homeplace to explore your needs. There are many ways to do it in a safe and open way through intimate communication. Do not feel shy about sharing your fantasies. The human brain is a very complex machinery and there is not better than communicate about your machinery with your partners if you want to feel understand by them. It''s a basic of the communication, remember the principle of transmitter and receptor, that's what it is all about here. Keep in mind communication is what differenciate us from the other races living in harmony on this planet, so make use of it as much as possible.
8. Get loud and be proud of it
My neigborn have been always complaining a lot about me being lour or my partners being loud and guess what? I never gave a fuck about it and I will never change the way I enjoy having sex for anyone. Many people are making loud noises during sex and guess what, studies demonstrates that those peoples tend to be the most satisfied sexually. Why? Because moaning and groaning is simply the best way to show and help your partner understand what you like when you are having sex. It also give appreciation signals for the efforts provided by your partner to pleasure you and will definitely increases their pleasure and satisfaction at the same time.
9. Work hard, foreplay hard
Use of kissing, petting, nibbling, squeezing, stroking, caressing, squeezing, showing compassion, generosity, empathy and kindness will makes it all good. Keep in mind that foreplay keeps you out of the routine, so be creative and generous to prevents your mechanical from rust in a later point of your sexual relationship.
Do everything possible to keep your partner(s) wet as fuck by maintaining consistently the flame in your heart and heavy desire of affection, the most secure emotional intimacy for both, and a damn huge load of physical contact. Ask your partner what they like the most and how they like it the most, ask you partner to show you what they mean to be able to give them back what they really want. Let you guide by your partner into this common fantasy sharing and always remember, if you want things to get hotter in your relationship, the very first step is to turn up the heat outside of the bedroom first.
10. Be yourself
There are a lot of relationship that I had who makes me cry almost every week because I'm a deep lover and when I give my heart to someone, it's always for life. Sometimes we just have to accept that it's over or that it can not continue the way we would wish it.
What I have learned from all these relationships is that you have to always be yourself and keep it real, because that's how you meet generally the people that are made for you. That's the best way to provide a honest and loyal love to the person you want to demonstrate your affection. Keep trust in your love and even if it must be over, it's always for a better experience at the end because you are getting out of it stronger.